Dear Mr. President...

Dear Mr. President,

First of all, let me start of by congratulating you on your victory last November. Even until that last day, I thought that your opponent, John McCain, would pull it out. You proved me wrong.

Having said that, I did not vote for you, and if given the opportunity again, would still not vote for you. In fact, I would work even harder to defeat you. Your policies and beliefs are so counter to those of mine, and I might add, most Americans, that I would have no alternative than to oppose you with all of my strength.

Now, to get to the point of this missive.

I have one simple request of you. Could you please produce your original birth certificate?

Before you throw this in the trash, let me say that I never have really believed the theory that you don't have a birth certificate, and are an illegal alien born in Kenya or Indonesia. I've always thought that there was a logical reason - perhaps you just didn't feel obligated to pay attention to the tabloids and conspiracists, which I can understand.

However, your lack of cooperation has fueled the fires of rumor and gossip. Just one day this past week, I talked to four different people within fifteen minutes who stated that you are an illegal immigrant with no birth certificate.

Frankly, it's annoying, and I am tired of it all. Please, would you just put all of these rumors to rest, and show the world your original Hawaiian birth certificate?

That is, unless you...